'stop the diet,you're thin already!'

This was me when I was younger

It wasnt until I was confronted by my uncle,that he finds me ‘odd’ - he was referring to my weight. I was washing the dishes that I left from lunch the moment he approached me, with a frown that took shape on his face. He was straight to point out the peculiarity that he thinks he saw in me, asserting that i have been keeping up with my ‘diet’ , and that I haven’t been eating for days. I was in full force, triggered, but still kept my calm for I thought it was not worth the argue.

Diet for him means starving yourself till you’re thin enough to be labelled as a “walking stick”. Knowing this in mind, I thought to myself how crazy the idea was, and for him to think of me that way, is just pure stupid. If I was someone who was not taught to respect the elderly and the relatives, I might’ve done something that I would’ve regretted of doing. But for Christ sake, he happen to be my uncle, I had to lower my pride on him.

This was not the first encounter though. I have my old friends, parents, grandparents, and teachers, questioned me with the same topic: “You become thin, what is happening to you?”.

My face grew longer causing me to develop more defined facial structures. I lost all of the baby fats I had on the abdomen and have it replaced with a flatter tummy. My eyes deepened, and my cheeks aren’t as fluffy as before. In short, I became lean.

People who doesn't see me in daily basis would passionately judge me like it was their job. They would either attempt to state facts, or add up an advice which they think is helpful, but side note destructive. Some would even chose to disbelieve you, like my uncle did. I tried to assure him that I wasn’t having any sort of ‘diet’ at the moment, but he shushed me by pissed saying ‘you are lying’, and I thought the world couldn’t be more cruel. And there is this annoying neighbor who thinks that she know better when she says “stop the diet, you’re thin already!”.An appraisal that was supposedly a compliment but came out as an insult. My friends, some of them, would just look at me and worry like there should be something to worry about.

But the peak of it all was when my father told me “to be ashamed of disappointing them in front of people”,that my facade body is disgracing the family. I wasn’t ready to receive such criticism, but I have to?

Although I get where they’re coming from. I get that some of them are actually concerned about me. They might be thinking that Im having issues with body image (which I also cannot deny). I may have tendencies of becoming conscious of what I eat, but it hasn’t come to a point where I made myself suffer of not eating at all. 

But when they say that my ‘body is empty’, that’s another story. I eat a lot, my parents could testify that I do (how can people not see that! I eat all the different kinds of foods on varying amounts depending on how it will satisfy my appetite! It’s just that my body doesn’t cooperate, okay?

“You become thin, what is happening to you?’’. Is one question that haunts me. I could ether answer the question, trying to make them understand or laugh it off and pretend I didn’t hear it. Both sides are dead end in disguise.

Being stigmatize with the body you own in a misleading way furls body acceptance.

If you’re someone who have read my previous post, I have listed there “You do not need to justify yourself to others.” as one of the things I learned before seventeen - click here to read. It may seem hypocritical to you that in this post I’m bragging about the opinions of others. Yes, I’m somewhat of a hypocrite, but the point is, it’s not JUST an opinion anymore! People feel the need to police on your body to resolve an issue that only exists one sided (on their side).

The problem is that, they worry of something that doesn’t exist. Some might’ve thought I have eating disorder, or others may think I’m only doing this for the benefit of me ‘finally having a girlfriend’. They disgust me as if I’m responsible for anything! They think of it as unhealthy procedure, as if I’m actually in some sort of procedure. It’s way worse when they tell you that you look more of a skeleton than a human.

Let me tell you something. Over the course of 3 months I developed a high metabolic rate. That explains how I lost and maintain my weight so easily. If there is one thing: this is my body responding and adapting to the current environment. But what do people like me get?

I love my body. I really do, and I’ll never stop learning to love my body ,because it’s a process that goes as long as I’m  breathing. Criticism never stops, so does insecurities. From a stout boy that I was 13 years ago, turns into a young man who’s average. It was a shock to them, as it was to me. This is my journey and the life that happened while I wasn’t paying attention. This change is natural, It’s genetics even. I found out that my father was as thin as I am years ago, before he started drinking, also was his brothers.

But no matter how you go on with your life, and accept the change yourself, the adversities of popular opinions will still arise at it’s finest. But who am I really to judge their opinion? Remember that once you name someone ‘judgmental’, you become the title yourself, and we don’t want to be a part of that infinite chain of saltiness! We don’t want to be bitter, just because we are misunderstood or someone has lead us that way.

Your weight doesn’t really defy you. Whether your thick or thin you’re gorgeous just like everyone else. If you want to change it, then it’s your choice. No body is in charge but you. You maybe uncomfortable with it, but believe me, we’ve all been there, we’ll get through this together and we'll through this together! 💛