The things I have learned before seventeen

I longed of being a year behind the legal age - so that for the last time I'm still free to obsess on doing illegal. HAHA, i'm kidding. Turning 17,mmn i still bet It will be magical and confusing at the same time.It’s not like my life is like a disney movie or something, but I think being a romanticist is just in my nature. I think too much of growing up that it actually builds up a mountain of anxiousness inside me, and I always do my very best to avoid igniting it (causing me to explode).

A lot of my friends are already 17 at the time being, but as far as I could tell, there haven’t been any difference of any way in their lives. I,in the other hand,expects a lot of this age than “just being seventeen”. Letting this year to simply pass like all the other years of my life, is not my plan (I hope).

“Hold on to the memories they will hold on to you”.

- New Years Day, Taylor Swift (2017)

But before proceeding to the next chapter, i can’t stop thinking of the things that have been made as “previous”. The morals, all the work, the learning and the failures that precedes.

To be completely honest with this post, I would like to have a moment of vulnerability and authenticity by quoting:

“I have been through a lot of things, mostly with mental struggle. I have suffered from anxiety my whole life as a teenager. It’s like floating and all of a sudden fatally sinking to the depths, then after an episode is over, you’ll feel like floating again. It’s a routine really - let me put it that way. It’s a real “health issue”, some of us aren’t even aware that we have it. But what can I do really? It’s in the brain and just like what my favorite novel says ‘it demands to be felt’.’’

I know a lot of you here, goes with the same school I go.( As there is only little promotion for this particular blog post ), and so I would like you to receive this post as a peer/student advice, advice coming from a friend perhaps or anyway as you like.

THE THINGS I HAVE LEARNED BEFORE SEVENTEEN

1. Do not take leap farther from where you are expected to land

We are not getting younger,as they say, and so we should make progress among ourselves. But too much of a progress builds a gap. When I was 15 I have invested my time learning about political movements of the western culture. It was when I was first introduced to the concept of racial justice and feminism.And from comfortably walking on ground, I decided to walk on a tight rope. I despise believing that I was taking things too far despite my friends protesting about it. I used to tell myself that they are just “dependent on what is conventional for them”, and I’d say because of this, egoistic and prideful, is what becomes of me. Yes, indeed I was educated for awareness sake, but also, it left me with bruises. I have so much anxiety of this, even up to this day.

 It’s important to stay on the ground and be humble with people. I as only 15 at that time,who felt as if I always needed to argue with the ideas of others, is here to tell you that I was wrong. It’s unhealthy, and I don’t recommend it.

2. Being “westernized” is never a bad thing

Once in a while, a classmate would remind me of how less I should listen to western music, and to start developing appreciation to OPM music, or if it is a movie I’m watching, I’ll always receive comments like “amerikano ka na gud la”. At some point of my life, I thought what I’m doing was sinful. I believed those people, that I should look down on myself for not being “maka-filipino”. “Filipino kit dire kit mga foreigners”, words like this, whether you believe me or not, pierces through the ligaments. My patronage is on Hollywood I must admit, but it’s my preference and there should be nothing to be questioned,or to be discussed about that, it’s stupid even. It’s like you, forcing a dog to eat fudge, the one thing that would kill it.

 And it’s worthy to pin point the illusion that listening and watching filipino contributes to our economy, like lol you got the movie from pirates.com, torrent sites, it doesn’t make a difference, no one is being paid for! You’re not making yourself worthy of being labelled as “maka filipino” if you don’t actually buy the product. As long as you don’t deny the fact that you’re filipino and have not abused your privilege as a filipino , you’re no disgrace to this country!

3. Having 3-5 people as your closest friends is enough

I wish I have learned this sooner. As a freshmen, I did get a lot of pressure of “not having enough friends”. First year of high school was the toughest year of my entire academic life. I tried to make so many friends as possible, preferably smartest in the class. I thought I was making ‘actual’ friends, but turns out, none of them were permanent. You could be around 11 popular kids, but still feel uncontented and alone. Believe me, that was how insincere my initial friends were. But there came a time, an epiphany point of realizing what true friendship means and then, all of a sudden you feel like you finally belong. My squad - my extended brothers and sisters was the biggest change. I want you to know that it wasn’t easy finding those people, and staying with them wasn’t easy either. I had tendencies of trying to exclude myself from them. But at the end of the day, I’ll always be reminded that they have molded me, and I deserve good people.

4. I learned that ‘I am my own definition of unique’

Saying this aloud, would seem to you as if I am self-centered, but writing from a blog gives me a lot of courage to say it. I deserve everything because I earned them. Sometimes we’re just so numb to realize that we are by far the best examples of a rare gems, and that no one could ever replace us.What we touch becomes enchanted and never the same. We are all equally special as humans but different in the way we choose to be special. That being said in mind, we have established ourselves a special place in this world that isn’t capable of withdrawing, it stays even the moment we die. We make history everyday, and our doings affect other doings.

5. You do not need to justify yourself to others.

This is a lesson that I’ve been trying to master for a while now. “Why do you have acne?”, “Why don’t you have a girlfriend?”, “You’re too old to watch cartoons”. These are some statements and inquires that bothers me a lot, and at first I was actually genuinely paying attention to it. Me, who needed the approval of a friend first before doing something wasn’t a perfect backup in this disposition. Some or most of those words I let pass me, giving it the permission to baffle me and even at some extent reevaluate myself. It’’s hard, you know? To stop letting people decide for you when all you care about is there opinion. I learned in a very long run that it about time to say “no”. No, I wouldn’t answer that,no I don’t care how you see it, No I have enough of this, JUST STOP. Replying to them, trying to give your side, is sickening and gets repetitive at times.You’re words are more valuable than you think, so save it for others that deserves to hear them.

6. Social Media is getting boring

We spend too much time trying to figure out what to post, and well ‘what to show off’, and it doesn’t stop there! We constantly check our notifications to check if we get any interaction, and im so over it! I have facebook since 2013, and it came to a point where I had to refresh myself and stop having this as a hobby. It’s sad to know that most people are near sited and never see the strings that are slowly pulling them to the edge.

They indulge themselves much on what is unrealistic, obsessing over a Kim Kardashian post, James Charles makeup tutorial that you can’t gracefully do. These are things that are unrealistic and unattainable for us, and I accepted this a long time ago.

It’s also time wasting, I needed a break from it and that was exactly what I did, and I suppose your brain deserves hiatus from it also.

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Special thank you to Taylor Swift for inspiring me to write, my life would never be the same without you. xoxo